I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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