And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
