you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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