Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Man, jail baloney is awful.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
