thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
