ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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