Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
