Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
