tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
