ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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