The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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