I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
