Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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