U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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