Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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