It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
