she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
