Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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