make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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