Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
