Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
