I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
