and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Congratulations! We have a period
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
