where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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