so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
