omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
