Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
