made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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