my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
