you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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