The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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