3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
