oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
