why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
