I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
