Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
