next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
