i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
