I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
