thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize