I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
