My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
