can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
