Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
