I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
