TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
FUCK WHALES
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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