i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
