My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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