I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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