I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
