3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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