Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
