I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
soo... how was my night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
