Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
