U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
