we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
