you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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