I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
