Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
