Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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