you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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